Friday, June 10, 2011

Sunglass Effect Eh

Here's one for the bros. I know I promised I wouldn't generate anymore fashion posts after my 'hipster glasses' tirade, but this is an epidemic that extends beyond fashion.

With the warm weather comes a drastic change in city attire, the most appreciated being the switch from baggy sweatshirt to sundress, thank you June temps and humidity. The least appreciated however, is the return of the sunglasses. And no, I'm not talking about regular eyewear to keep the sun's rays at bay for days (see what I did there?), I'm talking about the goggles taking up half of your face that have somehow been deemed 'high fashion'. Besides taking over most of the face, they have created a condition in males everywhere: The Sunglass Effect.

I first discovered that I suffered from this in high school, but it has become more malignant as time has gone on, and I figured something should be said. It's not as much a condition as a victimization by optical illusion really, but it needs to be curbed. Sunglasses these days hide key portions of the face and leave the rest up to imagination, a dangerous tool. Let me explain.

Someone can approach you wearing glasses and, with your mind filling in the blanks, you paint a picture of what this person looks like. After spending hours with said 'imagined' person she removes her glasses and instead of Heidi Klum you have Heidi Watson, the girl with the crazy eyes and the bad breath that sat behind you in third grade. Game Changer. You have just been bit by the Sunglass Effect.

Sadly we've all done it, and will likely do it again. It's the way we're wired and the evil sunglass wearers are banking on it. To everyone who insists on rocking these half face masks: Have mercy. Until then I'll be wearing a beanie and ski goggles just to return the favor.


Sunglasses can make this...

...out of this. Yikes spikes.

Even Urban Dictionary knows what's up: SUNGLASS EFFECT

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